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Is Your Boyfriend's Lack of Ambition Causing Trouble in Your Relationship?
 
Relationship Therapist:
Lilwings03

Question:
I love my boyfriend and love everything about him except he has no ambition. He says he's content and has no dreams other then the live life. I think he his brillant and talented and can do so much better in his career.

I feel this is a problem because I have been making more money then him for the last 7 years (duration of our relationship) and have picked up more then half of expenses, including the apartment we share. I would love to marry him and raise children at home, not working but when I think about the future I get overwhelmed. I don't want to be struggling financially and I don't want to work for at least the first 5 years of my kids lives.

How do I help him believe in himself and make him see that he can be so much more (including financially) then he is today?

Lilwings03 says:

In today's world, it is not uncommon any longer for women to have a higher income then there partner. For most couples this is the case and isn't such a problem it was in the past.

But seven years in a relationship without any plans for a future together is a very long time to commit to someone. Assuming you have lived together for those seven years, your partner seems quite comfortable with the situation you both have created.

Your concern for his "lack of ambition" I see as being the least of your problem. I am much more concerned about the lack of commitment on his part, and your plans for a marriage and family.

You also mentioned your carrying the majority of the financial responsibilities, how convenient for him.

Honey, he has told you the truth. He is "content" this is a bit different then someone who lacks ambition. Like apples and oranges, they are not the same. From what you wrote he has no reason to want to make any changes, your giving him a wonderful life.

He is happy with his life the way it is now, living for today with no plans for the future. That is his choice.

I would suggest you stop trying to change him and accept him for who he is. Then make your decision accordingly. You do not mention your age, but as a woman your clock is ticking. It just may be time to move on without him.

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