Question:
I'm a 32 years old woman and have been dating a man for the last 2 years who I think is a compulsive liar. I catch him in lies at least once a week and he gets defensive and then dismissive when I ask him about it. Also, I want to be married and he keeps putting me off, saying that he wants to focus on his career so he can support our family in the future. Should I stick around?

Victoria, Board-Licensed psychotherapist says:

You are already worried he is not truthful, and it sounds like he is not forthcoming when you question him so it's a tough situation for you.It may be hard to believe anything he says at this point, making you wonder if his reasons for putting off marriage are really valid...or if he really will marry you at all in the future.

The truth is, we show ourselves in the smallest ways. So, if someone lies about the small things, they probably also lie about the larger things. Now, it's important also to look at your relationship and how it operates. Someone who lies feels that the truth will be unacceptable. For example, he doesn't tell you he was out drinking because he think you'll be upset with that or he'll be "punished" for that, so he says he was at the office, for example. Here is where you have to look at your relationship closely. Are you trying to control his behavior or does he feel like you are? Lying and doing hisown thing is a way of feeling like he has some control and you don't rule him-important for most men!

The other thing is, is this man the right person for you? If he has to lie about his behavior because he can't be his real self with you, then maybe you and he are not right for each other. The most important thing in a relationship is to try to accept the other person exactly as they are. This does not mean accepting abuse or allowing someone to ruin their life with drugs, but the principle still holds. Please consult with a professional psychotherapist to discuss these issues.