Children learn by example, therefore children do not remember what you say unless they see you do what you say. Children will learn how to feel about themselves by watching & copying you. You are their authority on life. What you do; they will do. This includes how they see themselves, (self perceptions & self esteem), and how they relate to others (relationship skills), and how they see others (respect).
The following concept is one of the most critical in parenting and/or caretaking of young children. They need permission, as do most of us adults, to take care of themselves first. They need to know this is not selfishness it is self care! SELF CARE!
Anyone who has ever flown on an airplane knows that part of the safety demonstration given before the plane takes off is about placing the oxygen masks over your own face before you help someone else. It is only common sense that we need to take care of ourselves in order to be healthy enough emotionally, physically and spiritually. Being all we can be is the greatest gift we can give another person.
Often when people call me, they ask me how they can get out of a bad or unhealthy situation or relationship. They are often surprised with my response. I tell them they are asking the wrong question. The right question is how can I begin to take care of myself?
One of the best emotional "vaccinations" you can give yourself is to make yourself a priority in your own life. When you meet your own physical needs for nutrition, your own financial needs for financial responsibility, and your own emotional needs by determining how you will allow others to treat you, your own priorities by identifying your own value system and setting boundaries with others, you will repel others who want to take advantage of people, who want to abuse others. Abusive people need unconscious or conscious permission to abuse another. Because they need cooperation in these types of relationships when you are making yourself a priority in the relationship they are not interested in you!
If you are in a challenging relationship with someone who does not meet your needs and you begin to meet them yourself, you begin to take responsibility for your own happiness. Your happiness is a daily choice (for most of us it is a moment-to-moment choice) that only you can make for yourself. If you are looking for happiness through another person, your significant other, or your children, you will not find happiness.
People are people and we are each uniquely different that is why we have individual fingerprints and DNA and our bodies even carry markers of where we have been in our lives and been exposed to in our life experiences. Putting our happiness outside of ourselves an onto someone else is setting ourselves up for eventual disappointments because other people are human and make mistakes or choose differently than we think we would have chosen.
None of us has the power to make another person happy unless they seek control over us. People who are happy when we do what they want us to are not putting our happiness first they are putting their own ahead of anyone else without regard to what we want or need. This is true SELFISHNESS.
At the same time, no one can make you happy, as this would mean you had total control over him or her as well, hence not good for your own growth and best interest. Finding out what makes you happy is a life experience that takes us through our life span. Finding out what makes you happy also allows you to explore and find aspects and strengths you may not have recognized before or appreciated before.
When you wake up in the morning, ask yourself what do I need today? How can I take care of myself today?
- Do you take breaks at work?
- Do you take a vacation and allow yourself down time?
- Do you find time in your day to be alone and recharge?
- Do you focus more on what other people are thinking or value your own opinion more?
- Do you spend your time worrying about others so much your life is on hold?
- Do you think you have the answers for other people's problems and life would be much better if only they would listen?
- Do you experience disappointments in life or in regards to other people?
If you answered questions 1-3 with a no and questions 4-7 with a yes, it may be time to give a professional counselor or therapist a call to help you focus more on you
