Will he or she commit?

The majority of phone calls I receive are from women & men who want to know if their relationship is going to move towards a commitment. Most wonder if their partner is "commitment phobic" or has "commitment issues". They believe in a matter of time, their partner will get over his "issues" and be ready to commit. After only a few moments of listening to someone discuss his or her relationship, I can tell if the relationship is going to go somewhere or not. How?

I ask only two questions.

1. What does your heart tell you?

Usually they are feeling confused or not clear about their mate's intentions. If they tell me they don't believe the other person wants to move towards commitment I ask them why? Most commonly, they tell me signs they did not pay close attention to or chose to ignore early on in the relationship. Signs of inattention to their feelings, showing up late for dates, not calling when they say they will, in general just indifference or lack of initiative in the relationship, especially when they should be excited and willing to do these things, are RED flags.

2. What did you partner tell you while you were dating?

If they tell me their partner said they did not want to get married or get serious but they thought they would change their mind then a commitment is NOT going to happen here. People tell you what they want, we either choose to listen or ignore it. When someone tells you they are not interested in a long-term relationship or marriage they are being honest with you. It is important to be honest with yourself as well.

Be your own best friend.

Listen to yourself, deep down ask those questions of yourself and if you are unclear or confused, keep asking them. If you hear yourself saying something you do not believe, ask yourself what you would say if your very best friend, someone you love very much were sharing the same thoughts. Then listen to yourself. The answers really are inside of you.

You deserve the very best life has to offer you. You deserve to be happy, to love and be loved. Listen to yourself. Your feelings will not fail you; your instincts are there for your survival. Listen to yourself!

If you are reading this then you have questions about where you stand in your relationship. Allow a professional relationship counselor or therapist to help you navigate these waters and really get you to a place of contentment.